


all you leave behind

by enlightenight



Series: Enlight Writes MCU [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Before Wakanda, Gen, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:39:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6847474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enlightenight/pseuds/enlightenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because in his world, everything has to have a twist. But maybe, not all the twists are bad things; as they can reveal unlikely allies who are willing to lend him an ear, without judgement.</p><p>or Bucky and Natasha talk, after the end of Civil War, and before Wakanda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all you leave behind

**Author's Note:**

> > the title is from hannah cartwright & ross tones' [all you leave behind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OC3zACEUs34).

To be honest, he has been in a lot of forests throughout his life. _Or,_ in one of his lives. Not that he wants to divide his life in parts, but if he were to do that; one of the parts would end with him falling off that train. Another’s ending was the helicarrier, and him dragging Steve out of the water — instinctually.

He’s not a cat, Bucky knows that, but even if he has nine lives, he’s spending them rather inadvertently. Now on his life number three, and it could have been the last if it weren’t for Steve, the infamously stubborn kid from Brooklyn.

They're resting somewhere, _in a forest_ , and it feels so hard to believe that it’s been only a few days since the epic showdown in Russia. They haven’t spoken, probably because Steve couldn’t find words, or energy to utter them, and Bucky knows if he speaks the only words that will leave his lips, will be apology words, maybe in all the languages he knows. So, silence it is for them, at least for now.

And as the sun is about to rise, it’s Steve's turn to rest, leaving him on watch — it's calm there, thank goodness. Woods hide them from the satellites, and it’s always a good thing that you can’t install cameras on trees of forgotten forests. They _need_ to rest. To heal. Faster than a regular human, sure, but nothing can heal those blaster wounds or the bruises in two days, not even super-soldier serum running in their veins.

 _Not to mention,_ he adds to himself, all the burden they carry in their minds. Or the absence of _things._ An arm, in Bucky’s case — despite metal, trigger-happy, and red from the blood. A family, in Steve’s case — or at least that’s what he guesses. _Avengers,_ oh, he watched them from afar.

It’s only two hours in his shift when he hears the footsteps, and immediately reaches to his weapon. Even with one arm he can handle most of the people Ross can send, but the possibility of it being Tony Stark in a fresh suit of armour makes him go tense.

An undoubted relief comes over him, and makes him drop his guard _a little,_ when he sees the red hairs shining under the barely blue sky. His finger is still on the trigger, but he stands a little more casual, which is the first thing she notices. Hands above her head, she first looks at the weapon Bucky is holding, then her eyes shift to meet his questioning gaze.

"That's one of mine," she states, almost offended. "And no, I'm not here to arrest you. Or kill you."

Bucky simply asks if anyone has followed her, but the answer is clear as day even before she answers: Of course not. In his vague memories, he remembers her being _always_ good, good enough to put _other Winter Soldiers_ to shame.

“Who do you think I am?” she asks, grinning. “Of course I wasn’t followed. Can we sit down, now?”

He’s still suspicious as he lowers his gun and sits down quietly, eyes still on her, observing her movements. He may be out of business, but he hasn’t lost his edge — although he is _almost_ certain he can _never_ lost that edge, as sharp as broken glass. He’s not metal, he’s certain of that. Broken so many times, never goes rusty, and a little fragile — as much as he doesn’t want to admit that.

Natasha sits right next to him, leaning back to a tree.

“What a day,” she sighs, staring at the sky. “What an awful day.” Then her looks shift back to Bucky. “Is he okay?”

He simply shrugs to that question. “He will be,” he says, voice hoarse from all the exhaustion. “ _Eventually_.”

Natasha doesn't need to tell him she means now infamous Captain's emotional wellbeing, but it's a silent agreement between them as he pretends to ignore _that_ side of the question, and she complies.

"Sorry for that," he says, pointing at her neck. “I was almost killing you.”

"You don't need to apologise," she waves her hand dismissively. "It wasn't your fault."

He is tired of people saying that to him, because _yes,_ he didn't choose to do all these, but it's his hands who pulled the triggers; all around the world, creating chaos. Making up excuses won’t change the fact that he created tragedies.

"You don't need to console me," he says finally.

"I don't," she replies. "But I know what it feels like being in your shoes, judging yourself constantly in here…” Pointing at her head, she smiles bitterly. "It takes a long time to put back all the broken pieces."

He wonders if he is ever going to be able to smile at his own painful memories, like Natasha does. If there ever will be a future like that. Future seems so _blurry_ now, almost non-existent with the whole world chasing them — it doesn’t help that it’s not an exaggeration. _The entire world_ is after them, now. A solid fact, which burdens his soul.

"What's your plan?" She asks. "Where'll you go?"

"Can I be certain that you won't tell Ross?"

Natasha grins again. "Nobody works for Ross anymore. He is about to go insane, which I enjoy thoroughly.”

"Even Stark?" Bucky asks, unbelievingly. "I wouldn't be so certain about that."

"He's a special case," she sighs, as if the whole world is on her shoulders. "But even him, yeah. Let's not talk about him, though. Let’s talk about the future. Because you won't be found unless you want to. We both know that."

He raises one eyebrow, but doesn't question. "I don't know," he replies honestly. "Wherever he goes, I follow."

"Other than that," she presses. "What do _you_ want to do?"

He wants to do a lot of things, actually. It’s a list so long that it would take days and days to tell. But still, he goes for the most simplistic answer he can give to her:

“I want to sleep.”

 _Sleep_ is such a weird concept for him. He remembers _them_ talking about putting him to sleep before they froze him in a cyro-tube. _“You’re going to sleep buddy,”_ and they smile, like the way you would smile to a stray dog who’s almost dying. _“You’re going to rest.”_

But no matter how many bad memories he has about that damned tube, he wants to sleep like that again: No nightmares, no waking up in the middle with screams, or his victims’ faces right under his eyelids. It means no fingers on a trigger, listening to the sounds around him.

Cyro may not have the warmth of a house, but at least it’s quiet, and even peaceful to an extend.

Of course, he doesn’t tell her these, but for some reason, he _feels_ she understands it.

“Will you tell him?” She asks, even more quiet than the chirping birds around.

“Eventually,” he says, again.

“It’ll take a while to convince him.”

He smiles this time. “Yeah, I know that.”

Reaching to his hand, Natasha squeezes it gently. “There’s a jet waiting for you,” she says, after a deep breath. “His Highness’ courtesy.” It takes him a while to understand _whom_ she is talking about, but then he catches up. “I am guessing it would be a nice thing to give it back to him, but you’ know he’s in Wakanda, now…”

Bucky frowns, as she gets up.

“Thank you?” He offers.

“For what?”

“For letting us go there. For coming here.”

“Oh, don’t even mention it,” she waves her hand dismissively. “Tell Steve I said hi.”

As the sun goes up higher, he watches her disappear between the tall trees.

**Author's Note:**

> > wow. my first marvel fic ever. special thanks to my always patient beta [nazliy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/nazliy), and of course my good friend [carpelia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Carpelia), I couldn't have written this if it wasn't for their support and encouragement. 
> 
> > thank you for reading! kudos and comments are always welcome <3


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